it has been a while but here are two more

With work I don't get much time to either write or draw so here are the two latest.

remember me I post here when I can, I am a slacker

This one kind of got away from me. I am not sure how I feel about it.

Not posting introductions any more. I am posting so sporadically that I can't even count as high as I would need to to post them.

We can just say too many people are being sexually abused. It has to stop.

M

baggage : a short short story by me

I have been seeing this guy, had not been planning on that right now, I had lots of plans, a relationship was not part of said plans.

I saw him last night, we spent the night together, while we slept all my baggage crawled out of the closet and began to arrange itself around the bed, spilling all my crap out on the floor, he only caught a glimpse of it, but I saw it all in pretty piles, covering every surface, hanging out of drawers, swinging from the ceiling light, creeping up to the bed wrapping itself around my legs and eventually covering my whole body.

Somehow I managed to pretend it wasn't there, saw him out the door, and spent the next few hours stuffing it all back into the suitcases, duffle bags, steamer trunks, and shipping containers, crammed it all back into my closet.... I'm getting a lock for the closet door, maybe an armed guard.

that was fast

This is kind of frustrating, I spent two days doing some good work, practicing practicing practicing drawing. Being in the moment, feeling good about the choices I make. Now I have to go back to work, 16 hour days. I enjoy my work, I could cut my hours back, I want to..... but I need/want/like the $$, and I like my jobs and I am learning things that is all good. I also want to exercise and get into shape maybe run some races in the future...make art....cook...bake....how will/can I fit it all in?

I want to go to Portland to check it out. I want to go to Champaign to see where that is going.... I want to go to MIchigan to see Raph, I want more hours in the day.

What is all that wanting about?


198 introductions since the last count. My heart is breaking.

finally two more

My work schedule has been crazy it has taken a few weeks to get used to it. Maybe that has happened. Here are two new ones, one from a week or so ago and one from last night. I am going back to drawing as soon as I finish this post. UGGGGG for some reason I wish I still smoked, I need a cigarette.

Sooooo many introductions since the last post. I'm afraid to count. I'll post the # later today.

M

here are 2 more

I have to start writing too, I'll take notes so I remember. Maybe I just don't have anything to say.

39 introductions since August 2.

Night,
M

ok can I just say

I love pen and ink, nib pen and ink, dip pen and ink, whatever you want to call it.

I sit at my desk with music playing and just go. I immerse myself in both and it just happens, it almost becomes trance like. I love it.

Good night,
M

someday

I'll learn to take photos better, no glare, in focus. It will be a good day. In the mean time take this...




27 introductions since last post.

train window paintings

I always think of things I want to write here but by the time I get around to writing I.... forget.

89 introductions since July 16. That my friends is tooooo many.

mediocre

It became obvious to me today a number of times that.... I am mediocre. Again just a few minutes ago ...ugg.

Thank you to the person I remember telling me that when I was a child. You were right as it turns out. Side note, FUCK YOU!

This morning I was feeling energized by it to become more, to push myself. Tonight I feel some of that but I also feel some discouragement. I'll find my way around it. no worries. mostly.

I don't push things I take them to a safe place and stop. In my art, my life, my baking. Safe and stop. That makes for boring everything. Take chances woman.


112 introductions since July 4.

todays image

I think this works, do I say that a lot?

homeless

It occurred to me some weeks ago that I am homeless. I have a home to live in but I have no where to call home. If I went home for the holidays where would that be?

night now,

M

India ink stains can be worthy opponents...

so said How Stuff Works, guess why I know that? I spilled an entire bottle on my desk, it dripped on the carpet, my computer mouse got some, my sketch book.....UGGGGGG!!!!!

It is mostly taken care of now, although I have two pink towels with black/blue spots, and the carpet.... it is old and already stained, not that you would know I am very creative with throw rugs. So I ran to the store and got some more but a different brand, why? I don't know it was a mistake, I don't like it as well as the other. I also got a couple of new pens, ink included. I doodled with them and realized how much easier it is to work with them so todays drawing is with the new ink pen, not the dip pen. I kind of feel like I am cheating but alas it is done. Still working on this drawing a blurred train image. I'll get it sooner or later.

Night,
M

ummmm another attempt

Oh so far to go yet, but I like it, it is cool close up too.

16 new introductions since July 1st.

struggle

I have these photos from the train I love them, I will paint some of them, but I am trying to draw them also, it is up hill right now, I feel like I just need to do it over and over again until the practice shows. So sorry but here is the first.

OOOOOOOO watch me progress...

: )

M

Barcelona and all things procrastinating

The past week has been perfect sunny 70's and a nice breeze making this the most perfect place to live. Today is no exception. I am off until 1pm, the same as yesterday. But.... yesterday I got so much done before work and today not so much. I hate that feeling.

To aid in the lazy perfect summer day is Pandora Radio. Currently listening to the Global Chill station. It is playing lazy summer chill lounge etc. A number of spanish language pieces one even titled Destination : Barcelona, like I needed that. Now I need to be in Spain, particularly Barcelona area, since that is what I know, only a little bit, but enough to know I wanna be there. So time to draw.


NOW YOUNG LADY!!!!!

having real problems focusing

I keep getting distracted. Chump!! this is all I got.....

15 introductions since June 29.

work in progress

I am using india ink and dip pen or nib pen. I like it but I need more practice.

Nite,
M

EEEEK in a bad way

Ok I admit it I freaked out a little bit. I made a drawing, when I looked at I thought... this is really good. I started with an idea but then I just let it flow, and flow it did. I showed it to a friend and they innocently compared it to an artist that I hold in very high esteem. An idol of mine. I looked at the piece and I thought, yup it reminds me of that artist also.

This is where the freak out occurred. How could I possibly be that good? I could never make a piece that good. So I looked at the piece again and again, day after day, and I kept seeing a very strong piece. So..... I didn't do any more drawing for a while. I think I felt like ...

A, yeah that was good, how are you going to follow that?
B, are people going to look at it and say, she is trying to be this other famous artist?
C, are you succeeding? ... you don't do that you hold back just a little bit so you can always say, well I didn't really try my hardest.

So some weeks later I am forcing myself to just draw.... just do it, I don't care if you like it, if they are good, if they are complete, just draw.

Stay tuned for more drawings, I got a pen and india ink, I used to love it, it is hard though. I will practice with it, but I am going to get regular pens too, today I was so frustrated trying to re-master the pen and ink.


125 introductions since May 29th.

quick

39 introductions since my last post.

M

Still no time

I spent the past two days relaxing, drawing and procrastinating, so now I don't have time to tell you anything. This is one I worked on today it isn't finished but I like to see it on the computer screen it looks different that just looking at the page. I am pleased with it so far. Can't wait to see how it ends up.

14 introductions since last post.

Night,
M

very exciting news

Sighs:
exhalation
weary breath
pushing it all out
trying to get out the grief
but you must breathe in
and suck it all back in again.
audible exhalation
surely it will cure the flatness
bring it all into 3D.
but you must breath in again
and suck it all back in.
exhalation
pushing it all out
longing for relief.
but you must breathe in
suck it all in again.
bridge
window
weeping willow
no escape
try again.
exhalation
weary breath
pushing it all out
longing for relief
trying to get out the grief
but alas
you must breath in...

My little sister is a writer, she has been writing poems lately, she sent me a few and I am making drawings from them. I got the ok to make the drawings but not to reproduce the poems so don't tell anyone. This is the first one. More to come, I am very excited, we have been wanting to collaborate before but it never worked out. Cross your fingers.

I must say that I am excited, and impressed by her writing, but..... I am also heart broken that she has these feelings she needs to get out.

38 people have introduced themselves since last post.

Night sweet sister,

love,
m

latest version

44 people have introduced themselves since last post.

Still working on this but I like to see it posted it seems more impressive posted.

M

quick sketch

Melancholia, state of waiting for inspiration, melancholy man... woman a malcontent. Malcontent, always discontented, one who rebels against the established system.

Both more grand than I, but giggle giggle, I fancy myself a bit of both. shy about admitting it. I am waiting for inspiration, but a malcontent, not really.

18 more introductions,

Night,

M

party at my house

I got off wk today at 1pm and by some crazy amount of luck I don't have to be back at wk till 1pm tomorrow.

Party over here party over there.......zzzzzzzzz

22 introductions since last post.

Night,
M

Must sleep

the perfect storm is making me work a million hours this week and last, all I can do is whimper and complain even though I am really grateful that I am able to physically wk so much and someone is willing to pay me to work this much. Especially because I am hoping I wk fewer hours this summer, if not, if I work a lot this summer just as good I need the $$ I need to pay bills.

30 new introductions since last post.

night,
M

What if my patterns are so ingrained...

that I never change? They sabotage the rest of my life?

11 new introductions since last post.

only day off this week

and I can't get it together to be productive, to be fair I was up at the usual 3 am to do a friends paper route, it was fun but.... I should have gotten a lot of shit done since I have been up for ever but..... I'll be right back I have to beat myself up again.....

15 introductions since last post. tear ........

I have to move to the north west, I have to move to a place with more life and more movement.

I was so tired on Sunday I snapped at work, I feel horrible about it. Embarrassed too!!!!! UGGGG!!!!!!


Too many UGG!!!!!s.

I'm gonna shower and crawl into bed and read.

Night,

M

9 brave souls

introduced themselves in the past 48 hours.

Still working like a dawg, 5 hours till I wake up and go to work. UGGGGGG!!!

thank you to Metok

My thank you card to Metok who spent a lot of time and energy setting me on the right path, very recently.

I feel a bit better, so it took three days to get them done, but now I have 2 small pieces to show for my time spent "in studio" blah blah blah blah. But I have the feeling I will really do this this summer. Cross every finger and toes and anything you can cross. Please let this happen. Please let this happen please let this happen.

8 brave people introduced themselves in the past 24 hours.

Love,
M

end result of two days in studio

Ok so I got one drawing, actually a couple more but not really happy with them, less unhappy with this one. I'll live with it for a few days and then declare myself satisfied or not.

But I did get the letter written to my folks, will mail it tomorrow. Yippee for me, no flashbacks, no panic attack, one started but I nipped it in the bud.

While I am happy with what I accomplished these past few days, lots of house work and the letter and "in my studio" mindset for a number of hours, I still have a long way to go.

Mostly happy I figured out I could listen to Billie Holiday on Pandora, score.

night,
M

day 2 in studio

Well one of these will be the focus for today. I'll include the drawings in the next post. I am loving this although I could be getting more done, I get distracted by the shiny so easily. On that note here I go.

9 people have introduced themselves.

day 1 in studio

sounds more impressive than it is. Really I just mean I am forcing myself to make art, even that sounds more impressive than it is, trying this whole self discipline thing.

to honor those who are brave and seek healing

Starting today I am going to post a number, it is taken from another website that is a support group website for survivors/victims of sexual assault. The number represents the number of people who are joining the website. That means of all the people who have been sexually assaulted, all over the world, the few who have access to a computer, who have found this website, who want to join the discussion, who want to admit what has happened to them, this number represents them.

This is in honor of them. Last night 3 people introduced themselves.

taking a vow of silence

Seems lately I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I think I will take a vow of silence. Not here or with a few friends, but mostly everywhere else.
Pisses me off but better to just shut up I guess.

: (

M

Miss Tibet

She exists, check out the web site

http://www.misstibet.com

Metok

Or Katherine, I change my mind on which to call her and sometimes she changes her mind about it also. So if you saw my last blog, you know I was in the depths last night, falling asleep in that mind state can't be good, unless the magical Metok comes dancing and smiling and giggling into your dreams. In which case it doesn't matter what frame of mind you fall asleep in, you wake light, free, weightless, and unencumbered by any of this worlds troubles.

This even though she is fully in this world, most of the time, she gives the gift of light and freedom.

Blessings on you Metok/Katherine.

I've been to see the ocean

quick response

It is possible that the universe is already answering me, let us wait a moment before calling it, my whole outlook could change in 5 minutes as usual.